The Islands
Loss and letting go is part of life. Relationships, jobs, people, pets—good things come, and they also go. If you are stuck in grief and unable to move on, give The Islands tool a try.
Cues to Use the Tool
Use this tool on anything you feel attached to, but especially another person.
When you have lost a job, a home, or something else you loved.
When a relationship has come to an end.
When a loved one (person or pet) has passed away.
The Tool in Brief
1. Picture the Islands
Imagine yourself standing at the edge of an island. Imagine the person you’re having trouble letting go of is standing at the edge of another island. The tips of these two islands are touching, so you’re face-to-face with one another.
2. Feel Your Connection
Imagine there’s an umbilical cord stretched between you and the other person – one end lodged in your heart, the other end lodged in the other person’s heart. (The umbilical cord is a symbol of co-dependency—a relationship where you depend too much on the other person, or vice-versa—a relationship in which you’re not allowing one another to be fully adult.)
3. Sever the Connection
Imagine that the hand of God comes down and summarily cuts the umbilical cord. It turns out that the cord was the only thing holding the two islands together. The other person’s island starts to drift away. No matter how painful it is to let go, gather up all the love in your heart and send it to the other person—wish them well on their life journey, even if it takes them away from you. Keep the flow of love going until their island recedes and finally disappears over the horizon. It’s OK if this brings up a lot of grief.
4. Connect With Your Shadow
Turn around on your own island and see your Shadow. Take all of the love and goodwill you were sending to the other person and direct it toward your Shadow. Make the bond with your Shadow exclusive of everything and everyone else. Get the feeling that this relationship—with your Shadow—stands above all others.
