Don't Get Even, Get Over It
QUESTION FROM A TOOLS USER: My husband had an affair and we’re getting a divorce. I want to take him for everything he’s worth. Deep down I know that’s not right, but I feel possessed by the idea.
BARRY MICHELS: You sound like you’re familiar with the phrase "don't get mad, get even." We all have a tendency to ruminate on past injustices, but getting even doesn’t give you satisfaction, it just creates a cycle of escalating anger. Instead of getting mad or getting even, how about getting over it?
Lawyers, who are trained to fight aggressively for something, have a particularly hard time with this concept. A lawyer patient of mine represented a client involved in a very nasty lawsuit. The other side did all they could to drive up the cost of the lawsuit so my patient would settle for less than the case was worth. He found himself in a constant state of rage toward the opposing counsel, obsessed with finding a way to bring him up on ethics charges.
Realizing he didn’t want to be up at 4:00 a.m. composing nasty emails in his head any longer, he tried the Active Love Tool, and this is what he reported. “I can’t believe how easy it was. He’s gone—out of my head. The other attorney can do whatever he wants, but he can’t get under my skin anymore.”
FREEDOM FROM THE MAZE OF ANGER
Use the 3 steps of the Active Love Tool to free yourself from the Maze of anger:
Concentration: Feel your heart expand to encompass the world of infinite love surrounding you. When your heart contracts back to normal size, it concentrates all this love inside your chest.
Transmission: Send all the love from your chest to the other person, holding nothing back.
Penetration: When the love enters the other person, don't just watch, feel it enter; sense a oneness with him or her. Then relax, and you'll feel all the energy you gave away returned to you.
Practice with the Tool and notice what happens.
